Case Wide Open
by BaKaBaBi
Summary: What happens when the Sohma family has a meeting? Somebody suddenly dies of course!
1. A Gathering

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Fruits Basket. Chapter 1: A Gathering 

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon.  All of the Jyuunishi members and Tohru had been called to Akito's room for a very important meeting.

"I have called this meeting of all the Jyuunishi and…Tohru…because I have some very important news to tell you today," announced Akito, head of the Sohma clan.  "I am very happy to announce that I have decided that Tohru should be shunned by the Sohma family, and EVERYBODY'S mind should be erased…including Hatori's."

"Wait, how am I supposed to erase my own memory?  Somebody needs to be there afterward to tell me what to think," Hatori pointed out.

"I'm sure Ayame or Shigure would be happy to tell you what to think!" Exclaimed little energetic Momiji.

"No," Hatori replied rather bluntly.  "Besides, if they saw me erase my memory, they'd want to know WHY I was erasing my own memory, and they'd find out about Tohru again.  Then I'd have to erase their memories again, but since I would have to know what I was erasing, I'd find out about Tohru again, and would have to erase my own memory again, where Ayame and Shigure would have to tell me something, but they'd want to know why I was erasing my memory…" Hatori's words slowly trailed off, while the rest of the family argued.

"There's no way you can make me forget about Tohru!" proclaimed the hot and sweaty Kyou, who was hot because he is just hot, and sweaty because…it doesn't matter why, all that matters is that the heat and sweat coming from his hot body forced him to shed his hot sweater and even hotter t-shirt leaving his hot body in only his hot cargo pants.  

"You can't make me forget about Tohru either!" added Yuki.  He sent Tohru his 'I care because I love you' face, but since Tohru can only be Tohru, she mistook it for his brotherly love face and began her thought monologue.

_Wow, I am so happy that everybody wants to remember me!  I learned something new today!  Despite the fact that Kyou and Yuki think they have nothing in common, they do!  They both love me like a sister_

After Hatori rambled on for a few minutes about brainwashing and memory erasing that nobody understood but him, he noticed that Ayame and Shigure were missing from the family meeting!  Well, so were Rin and Kuren…what's his face, but they never attended any of the meetings anymore because Rin is a crazy whore and the rooster, what's his face, had a strange obsession of Akito which made Akito angry which ended up in a fight to end all soap opera slap fights which ended up with rooster face going on a trip so the two could get some must needed calm down time.

Back onto topic, Ayame and Shigure were both missing from the meeting, and Hatori felt that he needed to point this out to further shove down everybody's throats that he was the smartest and most responsible of the Handsome Blossom Trio.  

"Everybody, Ayame and Shigure are missing!"  Hatori proudly told everybody while attempting to keep a smug look off his otherwise smart and unemotional face.

For one moment everybody was silent as they made a quick head count.  They realized that Ayame and Shigure were indeed missing.  Then the room burst into random arguments and questions that just weren't going to be answered.

"Should my mind be erased of Tohru too?" asked Tohru.

"Where's Ayame and Shigure?" cried Hatori.  He needed the two to be around so he looked smarter!  How dare they embarrass him like this?

"How come I haven't said anything yet!" complained Haru.  Even though it really is his fault that he hadn't said anything yet because if he wanted to say something, he should have just said it like everybody else in the room.

"Kisa and I are holding hands right now, and there's nothing Akito can do about it because everybody is being too loud and obnoxious for him to notice!  Muhahahaha!" Hiro gleefully cried.

"Hiro…please let go…of my hand…it's weird…" Kisa whimpered.

"Uh…sorry," mumbled Hiro as he dropped Kisa's hand.

"OH!" Momiji exclaimed.  "Hiro just got burned by Kisa and he thought nobody noticed, but I DID!"

"SILENCE!" Akito screeched to the room.  The talking ceased and Akito continued to talk.  "I don't care where Ayame and Shigure are, but I just want everybody to know that Ritsu is also in the room."

"GOMEN NESAI! I didn't want anybody to have to suffer by being in my presence, but now I have made you all suffer by not announcing myself!  GOMEN NESAI!"  Screamed Ritsu as he ran out of the building, hoping never to be seen again in this story.  That's okay though, none of the other members of the Jyuunishi really wanted him there in the first place.

"Alright, now that everybody had calmed down, and I have successfully made Ritsu leave without actually telling him to, let's erase everybody's memories!" Oh it was a happy day for Akito.  First Shigure wasn't there to stop him from hitting anybody if he felt like it, Ayame wasn't there to tell him what looked cute on him, and Ritsu's budding self esteem had just been squashed like a bug.  Now all he had to do to make the day complete was to get Hatori to erase everybody's mind!

"NO!" screamed everybody in the room, not including Akito because it would be sort of stupid for him to scream at his own idea.

A second after everybody loudly rejected the plan to erase Tohru from their memories, the room went pitch black.  

Since all the people in the room are a bunch of pansies, they screamed.

The room became bright again and everybody sighed in relief.  Except for Akito because he had died during that short moment where nobody could see.

"Wow, I'm so relieved that we can see again!" sighed Kagura.  She had wanted to say something for a very long time but couldn't think of anything witty to say.  She had finally given up on trying to find something interesting to say and had gone with this stupid line.

But wait a minute…she might have another chance for a good line!

"Oh no!  I'm not so relieved anymore because," Kagura took a deep and shocked breath for a more dramatic affect, but during that breath, her chance of a good line was taken by everybody else in the room.

"AKITO IS DEAD!"

Author's Notes:  Hullo!  I wasn't planning on posting this story, but like my other story MISSING LOVE (go read go read go read) my freaky friends told me to post it.  The same freaky friends who told me to post MISSING LOVE (go review go review go review) 

At first I said no, no way, never, nope…but then I started poking this bunny on this website…just don't ask…but the point is, it got me thinking…don't ask about what…so, um…anyway…here's my fanfic!

Oh, and if you're wondering, these so-called 'friends' I always seem to mention are Capheine and kcarrie, so go read their stories too!  Isn't it weird how we're friends, yet our writing styles are so different? 

I'd love it if you reviewed, but plz don't flame me.  


	2. Super Sleuths

Disclaimer: I don't any part of Fruits Basket Chapter 2: Super Sleuths 

Ayame and Shigure paced in front of the Sohma family's main house.  They were already 20 minutes late for the 'big' family meeting Akito wanted to have, and they needed to get in before they go scolded for not being on time.  But first, they needed a better excuse than "we got drunk and crashed Hatori's car".

"Alright, alright…what if we just told them the truth?" asked Ayame.

"The truth?  The truth!  Are you the same Ayame that told me to drive the car down the freeway BACKWARDS…in the WRONG LANE!" yelled Shigure, who was obviously stressed out.  

"Hey, I may have opted to drive backwards on the freeway, but YOU 'Gure, YOU stole Tori's car!" Ayame yelled back at Shigure.  

"Maybe so Aya, but it was you that crashed the car!" 

Ayame pondered what Shigure said and realized that for once in his life, he would be able to prove somebody wrong!  " 'Gure, I didn't crash the car…you were driving!"

"Perhaps Aya, but it was because of your charm, your beauty, your mere presence, it was because of you I swerved into that 18 wheeler carrying 24 state of the art motorcycles," Shigure suavely pointed out.

Right before Ayame could compliment Shigure, they heard a terrified scream coming from Akito's room.

"My goodness 'Gure, that sounded like 'Tori, Tohru, Yuki, Kyou, Kagura, Haru, Momiji, Hiro and Kisa!" Ayame gasped in a shocked voice.

"That must mean that Akito is doing something terrible to their poor souls!"  Shigure gasped in a manner similar to Ayame.  Just then, they heard another scream announcing Akito's death.  "Or it means Akito has just died!"  Shigure gasped again in a desperate attempt to look like something other than a fool.  With that Ayame and Shigure made a mad dash towards Akito's room.  

The 2 finally reached the deceased Akito's room to find the other Jyuunishi, not including Rin, Rooster, and Ritsu…isn't it odd that they all start with the letter 'R'?  Hmm….

Anyway, they went into Akito's room to find everybody screaming at each other in a pathetic attempt to prove their innocence.

"I didn't do it!" yelled Haru.

"He said he didn't do it!" yelled Kyou triumphantly.

"So what, baka neko?" replied an extremely aggravated Yuki. This guy was so stressed, you could actually imagine his head popping off and him growing back another one.

"The one that denies it did it!" Kyou declared.

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard," replied Hiro as he tried to subtly make his move on Kisa.  

Ayame and Shigure looked around the room.  It was filled with their family and friends, as well as a dead Akito in a corner.  

"Our family is amazing isn't it 'Gure?" Ayame sighed happily.

"Yes, I don't know another family that can keep me this entertained.  We turn into animals, are in love with each other, we have amazing fighting abilities, and now, to make it even better, Akito just died!" Shigure adoringly described his dysfunctional family.  The people in the room finally noticed them, and all turned to face them.  There was a moment of tranquility in the room.  For just a moment, all was calm.  Then Kagura decided to try for the perfect line again.

"Ano…" Unfortunately Kagura forgot to think of something to say and ended up sounding like a stuttering fool.

"Does anybody know how Akito died?"  Hatori asked calmly.  He decided that since he came from a family of morons, he would take charge and solve the mystery.

"Hatori, if we knew how Akito died, would we be screaming and arguing?" asked Kyou in a very un-Kyou like manner.  "No, I didn't think so.  What we need here is a 3rd party to view everything from the outside."

"Yea, what we need is somebody that wasn't here to solve the mystery."  Yuki said while nodding his head.  

"I agree with Yuki."  Haru added in his two cents.

"Yea, Yuki's always coming up with smart ideas like this one!" Momiji exclaimed.

"But wait-" Kyou started.

"Yuki…good…idea," Kisa breathed.

"Right Yuki, good idea," Hiro quickly agreed with Kisa.

"Hey, it was m-" Kyou tried to cut in again, but was interrupted.

"It is a good plan Yuki," Hatori admitted, giving up his idea of solving the mystery himself.  "How did you come up with it so quickly?"  While Yuki basked in the glory of being Yuki, Kyou angrily sulked into the dark corner.

Tohru wondered about the plan for a moment, then added her own thoughts.  "Well, the only people that weren't at the meeting and are here now are…Ayame and Shigure!"

"So it's been decided, Ayame and Shigure will be in charge of figuring out what killed Akito," Momiji announced gleefully to the shocked crowd in the deceased Akito's room.

"Sure, sure…say, shouldn't we do something about Akito's dead body.  I mean, it's still here.  Are we going to just let it lie there?" Yuki asked disgustedly.  

"You know, it just occurred to me that we haven't checked the body yet.  I mean, I am a doctor, maybe this isn't a mystery, maybe it was just…wait a minute…we're leaving AYAME and SHIGURE in charge!" Hatori appeared faint.  Then he appeared faintier.  Then he fainted.

"Poor 'Tori, the shock must be wearing him down," Ayame said.  Actually, he was really happy that Hatori fainted.  If Hatori was unconscious, there'd be nobody around to boss him around.  Did he vow to always listen to anybody else?  I DON'T THINK SO!

"You know, Yuki does have a point…shouldn't we move the body?" Haru asked in his usually dopey fashion.  We all know that cows like to eat grass, do you think they enjoy weed too?

"Shush everybody!  Now that Aya and I are here, we can solve this case on our own!"  Shigure proclaimed.  "Now get out of here while we do that thing to the crime scene!"

"Do you mean investigate?" Kyou was almost afraid to ask.  How could this man be a big book writing guy?

"Investigate?  Stop making up stupid words Kyou.  We have business to do.  Now scram, get out, LEAVE!" Shigure forced everybody except for Ayame out of the room.  Actually Hatori was still there too, since he was unconscious and Shigure was too weak to lift him.

"Well 'Gure, now that everybody is gone, why don't we begin our thingy to solve this mystery!"  Ayame suggested.

"Excellent idea Aya.  Do you have any idea what detectives do to find the answers to all of their questions?"  Shigure asked.

"Absolutely no idea!"  Aya exclaimed proudly.

"Hmm…this could be a problem.  Luckily though, I am a novelist and have written many mystery novels," Shigure tried desperately to remember the last time he had published a mystery.  

"So…what did the detective do to find his answer?" 

"Well, as I recall, he slept with 3 beautiful rich women, each of whom gave him hints after a night of frolic and pleasure," Shigure grinned.  He was looking forward to solving this mystery.

"Wonderful 'Gure!  Now all we have to do is find 3 beautiful women to seduce!" Ayame and Shigure were on their merry way but Hatori had woken up just in time to hear their stupidity.

"No way am I going to let you two be the detectives.  I am the new detective," Hatori demanded.

"Aww, Hatori can't we all be detectives?"  Ayame and Shigure pleaded at the same time.  Hatori decided that it was better to let them think they were also investigating the crime than listen to them whine for days afterwards.

"Alright.  But we are not seducing women.  We are going to investigate the crime scene," Hatori stated.

"The crime scene?"  Shigure asked.

"Wouldn't that mean…we'd have to TOUCH Akito's corpse?" Aya shuddered.

"Fine, fine.  So I guess we can go talk to the other people at here at the time of the crime," Hatori suggested this because, truthfully, he didn't really want to have to look at Akito.   

So off they went.  Ayame, Shigure and Hatori to find everybody else and question them.  

"First up…Kisa!" exclaimed Shigure.

"Why Kisa?"  Ayame asked.

"Does it really matter?" Shigure asked.

"Well, I guess not.  But normally people have some sort of reason."  Ayame talked on while Hatori shook his head in disgust.  There was no way they would drag him into this pathetic excuse for a conversation.

"Well, this isn't a normal occasion," Shigure defended himself.

"Still, why Kisa…she's so quiet and normal."

"Why can't we start with somebody normal?"

Well…it just doesn't seem like something you would normally do."

"Fine!  I owe her $20 and want to get a chance to suck up to her and make her forget about the loan!  I'm a grown man trying to jip a little girl out of money!  Are you happy now!" yelled Shigure.

"Not really.  That is really sad 'Gure.  I didn't know you were such a big bully."

"WILL YOU 2 SHUT UP!" screamed Hatori.  So now the silent trio continued their search for the truth.  

In silence.

In complete and total silence.

The kind of awkward silence that makes you wish you were far, far away.

The kind of extremely awkward silence that is so silent you can hear the electricity in you brain.

The same kind of silence that would be happening right now if I stopped rambling on like this.

Uh-oh.  I stopped rambling.

Author's Notes:  Thank you capheine, Katzchen, Anita, Kyophan, and kcarrie for reviewing!  I'm glad you people seem to like it so far!  

Oh, and since my other story MISSING LOVE is an oneshot, I wanna thank everybody who reviewed that one too!

I'll make sure I read your story when your friend posts it Kyophan!  If it has Kyou in it, I'm sure I'll love it! ^_^ 


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